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Five Things Toddler Moms Know To Be True

Being a toddler parent is like being part of a special club: a club of unwashed, tired people who live on broken goldfish crackers, dinner scraps, and coffee.

 

5 Things Toddler Moms Know To Be True 

 1. If you want to wipe a toddler’s nose you have to sneak up on them like a ninja assassin. This is why we wear soft-soled shoes. So they can’t hear us creeping up from behind with a tissue in hand. The next step is to put your toddler into what looks to the outside world like a chokehold but we know we’re just keeping their head still we get all of those boogers.
 
2. Baby wipes are not just for baby butts. Baby wipes can double as a toddler mom shower on days you don’t make it into the actual bathtub. They’re also great for wiping up stubborn vomit or yogurt that exploded in your diaper bag. Baby wipes are to toddler moms what a swiss army knife is to a survivalist.
 
3. Crying = better sleep. Toddler moms know that the harder a kid cries at the park, the harder that child will sleep later on. The trick is to not let them fall asleep in the car. Headbanger rock or gangster rap pumped at high volumes and keeping the windows down can help with that.
 
4. Toddlers want what you have. The trick to getting a toddler to eat is letting them think they’re stealing from you. If you act like your bowl of rice is your greatest treasure and that you’ll be devastated should your toddler take a bite, your kid will probably eat the whole thing while maintaining eye contact to make sure you’re suffering.
 
5. Never celebrate a win. Is your toddler sleeping through the night? Does your toddler finally seem potty trained? If you dare brag on Facebook your child will instantly regress six months. This is a fact of the universe. We don’t make up the rules, we just live by them.

 

 

Welcome to the club.
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Dear Mom. I Get It Now.

Dear Mom,

It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I began to understand what it is you did for me.

Now I know what it feels like to meet your baby for the first time and feel your heart explode in joy.

Now I know what it feels like to sit up all night with a feverish child.

Now I know what it feels like to go to bed knowing you did all you could but wishing you could have done more.

Now I know what exhaustion really means; not just your body being tired but your mind, every fiber of your being so spent, and then seeing that it’s only 4PM.

I know what it’s like to wake up every two hours with a newborn who needs to be fed and changed in the darkness of their room.

I know what it’s like to put a meal together only to have it rejected over and over again.

I know what it feels like to feel like it’s all too much sometimes.

I know what it feels like to wish there were five of you so you can get it all done.

I know, now.

And I want to say thank you. Thank you for being there, for not giving up, for not checking out or running away. Thanks for being there for me when I needed you the most.

You’re an inspiration to me. You rocked me, fed me, clothed me, and loved me even when you felt like closing your eyes and falling into bed.

Your sacrifice is not wasted. I’m who I am because of what you poured into my life.

I’m a mom now and have my own little one. On my hardest days I’ll look at my child and remember five little words that will make all the difference, “She did it for me.” You did it for me, I can do it for them.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Love, your child.